i don't know if it's a "me" thing or if it's a "people with anxiety" thing, but my lows are really really low and my highs are really really high. it is hard for me to function when i'm low and it's hard for me to focus and reign it in when i'm high.
sunday evening, jesse and i weren't feeling "killbuck" or being indoors, so we took a drive in the country...which ended up being more than 2 hours long!! just all the back gravel roads of holmes county. i took a few awesome pictures and i pretty much went (angrily) mudding up a really steep several mile muddy hill... i got asked at work yesterday if i went mudding - it's pretty obvious HA. anyway, we went to the house we are looking at... because... we hadn't heard anything and we just wanted to see it...possibly one last time. so we pulled in and sat in the driveway and dreamed about this and that...our fruit trees and our clothesline and stuff like that. i turned around in the driveway and went to leave and realized there was a huge lilac bush along the driveway. that is deep for us. jesse and i both grew up smelling lilac wafting into a farmhouse and...major love! so jesse made me stop and we held hands. he prayed, i cried, we felt peace, and we left. and then i went mudding. oh boy.
i had my fertility appointment yesterday and although i was petrified (especially since i had a collapsing cyst during my other ultrasound) and he was an hour late, i once again had 2 follicles ready and got my hormone injection. woohoo! trying not to think about it as much this time around... but holy hell i forgot how much it hurts after the fact.. just like a tetanus shot. at least it was on the weekend last time! now i'm limping to the bathroom at work and trying to figure out how to sit in my chair where it doesn't hurt as much. it also kept me awake quite a bit last night. sheeeeeesh.
so, since this is our last shot, we are trying to do everything we can to make it work this time (obviously WE can only do so much ha!) instead of having sex the first 3 nights like we are supposed to, we are going to for the first... 6? or so... because i'm not sure my body listens to the injection and ovulates immediately. i keep wondering if i missed my chance last time because we had sex during the window then quit for a rest period and missed it... so we are not risking that this time.
i told the doctor (my doctor, thank god, i love him!) about my basals not rising until several days after the shot last time and he said that it WAS kind of strange, so he's having me go back in next tuesday to have bloodwork done to check my progesterone since it surges with ovulation. hmmmmm. but here's hoping we can make a baby this time!! it will be very rough this "last" cycle if we fail, but there's got to be a reason...and like i said... we leave for white water rafting 3 days after i can first take a pregnancy test so i should have a buffer from my crash this time around...hopefully...or even more hopefully, i don't have a crash and we get pregnant :) :)
sooooo yesterday, i drove to holmesville, drove to canton, back to holmesville, then after work drove to millersburg to grab money from the bank and rushed to wooster, grabbed lindsey and the kids and rushed back to millersburg so she could look at a cheap used car. she hasn't had a car for quite awhile now and things are a little rough and scary...so she ended up buying the car (jesse bought it for her...well...for the kids...) and we took the kids to mcdonalds to eat and play in the playplace. then jesse wanted to see her car and give it a once over (he's working 12s again this week so he had just gotten off by the time we were finished) so we drove down to killbuck and he took a look. they left, we had sex, he ate supper, and we CRASHED. what a crazy day.
and then, as i rolled over to double check my alarm, i saw a text from my realtor. the bank accepted our offer!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! okay, i got that out of my system. obviously, i know that it isn't a sure thing yet. but now comes the crazy chaos ha. she's emailing me over the new papers to sign (since we upped our price) and we have 10 days to get the house inspected. obviously if there is something super major with the inspection, it won't go through, not to mention, countless other things...buttt....HOLY SHIT. we may have gotten our house!!!! i'm trying to believe that if it's what God wants for us, it will work out!
alright, i have to get off of here now...if i keep dwelling on this, i'm going to get all worked up again and not be able to concentrate at work and i have stuff to do. but... wow.
sunday evening, jesse and i weren't feeling "killbuck" or being indoors, so we took a drive in the country...which ended up being more than 2 hours long!! just all the back gravel roads of holmes county. i took a few awesome pictures and i pretty much went (angrily) mudding up a really steep several mile muddy hill... i got asked at work yesterday if i went mudding - it's pretty obvious HA. anyway, we went to the house we are looking at... because... we hadn't heard anything and we just wanted to see it...possibly one last time. so we pulled in and sat in the driveway and dreamed about this and that...our fruit trees and our clothesline and stuff like that. i turned around in the driveway and went to leave and realized there was a huge lilac bush along the driveway. that is deep for us. jesse and i both grew up smelling lilac wafting into a farmhouse and...major love! so jesse made me stop and we held hands. he prayed, i cried, we felt peace, and we left. and then i went mudding. oh boy.
i had my fertility appointment yesterday and although i was petrified (especially since i had a collapsing cyst during my other ultrasound) and he was an hour late, i once again had 2 follicles ready and got my hormone injection. woohoo! trying not to think about it as much this time around... but holy hell i forgot how much it hurts after the fact.. just like a tetanus shot. at least it was on the weekend last time! now i'm limping to the bathroom at work and trying to figure out how to sit in my chair where it doesn't hurt as much. it also kept me awake quite a bit last night. sheeeeeesh.
so, since this is our last shot, we are trying to do everything we can to make it work this time (obviously WE can only do so much ha!) instead of having sex the first 3 nights like we are supposed to, we are going to for the first... 6? or so... because i'm not sure my body listens to the injection and ovulates immediately. i keep wondering if i missed my chance last time because we had sex during the window then quit for a rest period and missed it... so we are not risking that this time.
i told the doctor (my doctor, thank god, i love him!) about my basals not rising until several days after the shot last time and he said that it WAS kind of strange, so he's having me go back in next tuesday to have bloodwork done to check my progesterone since it surges with ovulation. hmmmmm. but here's hoping we can make a baby this time!! it will be very rough this "last" cycle if we fail, but there's got to be a reason...and like i said... we leave for white water rafting 3 days after i can first take a pregnancy test so i should have a buffer from my crash this time around...hopefully...or even more hopefully, i don't have a crash and we get pregnant :) :)
sooooo yesterday, i drove to holmesville, drove to canton, back to holmesville, then after work drove to millersburg to grab money from the bank and rushed to wooster, grabbed lindsey and the kids and rushed back to millersburg so she could look at a cheap used car. she hasn't had a car for quite awhile now and things are a little rough and scary...so she ended up buying the car (jesse bought it for her...well...for the kids...) and we took the kids to mcdonalds to eat and play in the playplace. then jesse wanted to see her car and give it a once over (he's working 12s again this week so he had just gotten off by the time we were finished) so we drove down to killbuck and he took a look. they left, we had sex, he ate supper, and we CRASHED. what a crazy day.
and then, as i rolled over to double check my alarm, i saw a text from my realtor. the bank accepted our offer!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! okay, i got that out of my system. obviously, i know that it isn't a sure thing yet. but now comes the crazy chaos ha. she's emailing me over the new papers to sign (since we upped our price) and we have 10 days to get the house inspected. obviously if there is something super major with the inspection, it won't go through, not to mention, countless other things...buttt....HOLY SHIT. we may have gotten our house!!!! i'm trying to believe that if it's what God wants for us, it will work out!
alright, i have to get off of here now...if i keep dwelling on this, i'm going to get all worked up again and not be able to concentrate at work and i have stuff to do. but... wow.