it's my life story. sigh.
friday, the seller sent our realtor (who sent us) new papers to sign. there is no difference in them except my realtor got them to push the closing date back 9 days. they just wanted the papers in "their language" instead of our realtor's language. whatever, dudes. so i signed them and that was friday and i knew nothing would happen over the weekend but i'm ready for it to move forward. really hoping they do stuff in a timely manner and sign this week and we can continue on. they apparently quit mowing our lawn? maybe because there's a sale pending? but our close date isn't until july 8 so what thehell? and yay for our close date changing because now i will be home from camp and this is so much more exciting than jesse closing alone...not only when i am not there, but have no way to communicate with him!!
i can take my pregnancy test wednesday. but i feel crampy today, so my hopes are kinda crashing. i don't think i got as worked up about it this time with the first failed cycle, so i don't think it will be as bad if i get a negative, but god would i just love to get pregnant. this was our last try...so unless by a freak accident with no fertility treatments, we somehow get pregnant in the future, i may never get to be. that is starting to settle in a little and it's rough. the long term awareness. the very very likely possibility that i will never ever get pregnant, carry a child, bear a child, or have a child. i always assumed i would have several, so this is changing the entirety of my future. and of course, everyone i know is getting pregnant, so that doesn't help a damn thing.
i try to just keep thinking that god knows what he's doing. he has his reasons. but i'm not really sure why or what his reasons would be that we can't even have one baby. yes yes, maybe it's a timing thing and it's not "our time" yet, but um... i'm going to be 30 in less than 4 months...
on a positive note, white water rafting weekend begins in 5 days!!!!! the onllllllyyyy good thing if (when) i find out i'm not pregnant is that i can still go white water rafting and zip lining. we are going to leave really early saturday morning. aaaaand of course, it's supposed to rain/storm ALL weekend. the entire weekend. it did the same thing last year EXCEPT it didn't rain while we rafted. but at least this year, we will be better prepared to deal with the rain... we are bringing our little camping grill so we can actually cook if it's pouring and all of us have been planning what we are bringing food wise and all that....
so needless to say, i am TOTALLY stoked about the trip this weekend. it's been a loooooooong time coming and i need a mini vacation and i am so so excited!
and then, while we are on the trip, i should get my email about the lindsey stirling meet & greet tickets i bought. they don't send you details until THREE DAYS BEFORE which is insane because how can we plan?!?!? but i am getting sOOOOOO excited to break the news to jesse because i bought these tickets in FEBRUARY and i've been keeping this secret the entire time!!!!!
alright, time to get back to reality and work.
friday, the seller sent our realtor (who sent us) new papers to sign. there is no difference in them except my realtor got them to push the closing date back 9 days. they just wanted the papers in "their language" instead of our realtor's language. whatever, dudes. so i signed them and that was friday and i knew nothing would happen over the weekend but i'm ready for it to move forward. really hoping they do stuff in a timely manner and sign this week and we can continue on. they apparently quit mowing our lawn? maybe because there's a sale pending? but our close date isn't until july 8 so what thehell? and yay for our close date changing because now i will be home from camp and this is so much more exciting than jesse closing alone...not only when i am not there, but have no way to communicate with him!!
i can take my pregnancy test wednesday. but i feel crampy today, so my hopes are kinda crashing. i don't think i got as worked up about it this time with the first failed cycle, so i don't think it will be as bad if i get a negative, but god would i just love to get pregnant. this was our last try...so unless by a freak accident with no fertility treatments, we somehow get pregnant in the future, i may never get to be. that is starting to settle in a little and it's rough. the long term awareness. the very very likely possibility that i will never ever get pregnant, carry a child, bear a child, or have a child. i always assumed i would have several, so this is changing the entirety of my future. and of course, everyone i know is getting pregnant, so that doesn't help a damn thing.
i try to just keep thinking that god knows what he's doing. he has his reasons. but i'm not really sure why or what his reasons would be that we can't even have one baby. yes yes, maybe it's a timing thing and it's not "our time" yet, but um... i'm going to be 30 in less than 4 months...
on a positive note, white water rafting weekend begins in 5 days!!!!! the onllllllyyyy good thing if (when) i find out i'm not pregnant is that i can still go white water rafting and zip lining. we are going to leave really early saturday morning. aaaaand of course, it's supposed to rain/storm ALL weekend. the entire weekend. it did the same thing last year EXCEPT it didn't rain while we rafted. but at least this year, we will be better prepared to deal with the rain... we are bringing our little camping grill so we can actually cook if it's pouring and all of us have been planning what we are bringing food wise and all that....
so needless to say, i am TOTALLY stoked about the trip this weekend. it's been a loooooooong time coming and i need a mini vacation and i am so so excited!
and then, while we are on the trip, i should get my email about the lindsey stirling meet & greet tickets i bought. they don't send you details until THREE DAYS BEFORE which is insane because how can we plan?!?!? but i am getting sOOOOOO excited to break the news to jesse because i bought these tickets in FEBRUARY and i've been keeping this secret the entire time!!!!!
alright, time to get back to reality and work.